A View From Above

I was traveling home for Christmas and wasn’t exactly looking forward to catching three different flights between Miami and Fargo but something cool happened as I sat in this window seat on my second flight.  As I looked out the window I seemed to get just the smallest glimpse into God’s perspective on the world He created. 

            It has always amazed me to look out the window when flying.  I thoroughly enjoy geography so that could make up part of my enjoyment of gazing but I also love to just look down on the earth and think about how vast it really is.  Even though I may only be able to see across the earth for 40 miles, it still gives a quick snapshot of how beautiful and huge earth is.  I rarely stop and ponder the depth and breadth of God’s creation.  It reminds me of Louie Giglio’s talks on the greatness of God. He does an amazing job explains and demonstrating the glory of the Father.  Gazing through the tiny aircraft window allowed me to get a nibble of what Giglio talks about and gave me God’s perspective on a very miniscule level. 

            As I watched the cars and trucks cruise down highways and interstates at what seemed to be slow motion and the thousands of ant sized houses, businesses, schools and factories it struck me how small I, as one single human being, really am.  When I got to see for just a glimpse as to how God views His creation it gave me a whole new perspective.  Suddenly my life didn’t seem to be the only one that mattered because I could see the thousands of other lives buzzing around simultaneously below me.  I could see life happened and places where people worked, played and shopped right before my eyes and it allowed me to realize more fully that God has ALL of that under his control ALL at the same time! 

            This realization pointed me to God’s power, sovereignty and amazing intimacy with all people.  First of all, as I watched and observed each new part of the countryside and each new city we passed over I gained a greater understand of how huge God is.  His glorious presence is everywhere all the time and this is simply mind boggling to me.  As a finite being I can’t understand an infinite God but looking out over the beautiful landscape gave me a greater appreciation for his grandeur. He is everywhere and over everything.  Since God’s presence is everywhere His sovereignty follows.  It’s just simply crazy to fathom the fact that God is in control of each and every one of our lives.  I looked out the window at the microscope cars and realized that God wants to be in a relationship with each person or persons in each car.  He wants to be the leader of each business, household and school that I look on from above.  And the greatest thing is that God can handle and deeply desires to be in control of all people and all places.  The reality gets even better though!  Even though God is incredibly infinite, huge, glorious and can be in many places all at the same time and in control of all people and places at the same time He is somehow the most personal and intimate person ever.  My mind is completely boggled once again by the idea that He is over all, in all and through all yet loves you, me and every other person on this planet equally and passionately.  He calls each one of us his sons and daughters that put their faith and trust in Christ for their provision of their sin.  What this means for us is that God is in our lives.  He is not just looking on from above as a benevolent creator and lets the ant-sized cars and microscopic people roam freely to live their own lives dealing with the ups and downs and the failures and victories. No, God is with and in each one he calls sons and daughters and he is in the world through his Holy Spirit.  He comes down and among us to be with and in us in a personal way.  The beauty is that the bible says he understands all that is going on in and around us.  He knows us personally because he knit us together at the beginning of time.  The bible says that God knew us even before we were in our mother’s womb.  And once again it gets better because He knows our own personal issues, problems and fears.  That blows my mind as I am realizing His great sovereignty and omnipresence because there are so many people and our world seems so huge!  How can God possibly be over all, in all and through all yet be the best Father ever created?  I will never know the answer on this side of Heaven but that is ok because He is God and I am not.  I rest in the knowledge that he is bigger, greater, more compassionate, more wise and understanding than I will ever be. 

            Thankfully and graciously, all of this points me to humility.  As I realize God’s true character more fully it puts me in my place in a beautiful way.  I feel so inadequate, small, and insignificant in comparison to Him.  This is the greatest place to be though! I was reading a book today that was talking about trusting in God to make a way for us as we feel uncertain of where to go next.  “In God’s economy, getting to the end of ourselves is the beginning of hope.” What does this mean in connection with the fact that I am humbled by God’s greatness?  This quote struck me in a powerful way because it reminded me of the importance and necessity of humility.  I need to know that I am finite, limited and small and I realize this each time I look out the window of a plane.  But hope arises amidst these seemingly negative realizations.  The beauty of God like I said is that he puts us in our place—a place where we can receive hope from the only one who can give it.  Until we understand the greatness of God and our need for relying on Him we won’t be able to find true hope.  This is the reason why I am so thankful for a window seat.  I may have not totally understood God’s greatness and my limitations bringing me to a greater hope unless I had a view from above.

Take the Money and Run

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 has always been one of my favorite bible stories.  It has resonated with me for so much of my life and I constantly go back to it for reassurance and a great dose of truth. 
      Many times I see myself as the older brother who didn't take the money and run but there are definitely points in my life where I fall into the trap of taking what God has given me and running away from him to do life on my own.  Like the prodigal son, I so often take what God has given me--my talents, skills, abilities, desires, wealth, my thoughts--and go about my life just the way I see fit.  I essentially run away to a far off place where my Father has no say in what I do or how I spend my God-given wealth and abilities.  I use my talents, skills, desires for my glory and gain or I horde my money and stray away from giving it to my local church or to missionary friends because I believe that somewhere down the road I will need that money for something. 
     Although this doesn't exactly parallel the prodigal son's actions of squandering his wealth in wild living, I too squander my spiritual wealth and gifts in selfish living.  I even take it one step further like the prodigal son and hire myself out to gain back my wealth.  The son got a job working on a farm feeding the pigs.  This was not a glamorous or even good paying job as he longed for food and even considered eating the pig feed!  Sounds like a desperate situation but yet again I find myself in the shoes of the prodigal son time and time again.  I may not be in need of food and may not have to stoop so low to consider eating pig feed for my dinner but, I do desperately long for God's love and presence in my life.  As I live for myself by using my gifts, talents and abilities to find praise, glory and satisfaction it leaves me empty and poor.  I too go looking for a way to bring myself out of spiritual poverty by trying to find love and satisfaction in how I dress, look and appear to people or I think that I can draw closer to God by simply reading a good book about him.  These aren't inherently bad things just like getting a job feeding the pigs but they don't pay the bills--they don't bring satisfaction or allow us to truly experience God's love.  The only thing that does is God himself and his Word. 
        The coolest part of the story comes next though and this is the part that continually inspires me and helps me understand more fully God's true heart.  We see that the son finally comes to his senses and realizes he can go back home and work for his father to receive food.  Again, that's exactly my thinking sometimes.  I finally come to my senses and figure out that I can return to God as long as I do the right things--using my talents, skills, abilities and wealth for His glory and honor.  Let us keep tracking the story because it takes a brilliant twist.  "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." (Luke 15:20)  Wow, what a picture of love!  Who would have ever guessed this is how his father would have reacted?  So many things  stick out from this one verse of scripture but what I find amazing is that his father ran to him "while he was still a long way off."  I think we miss this idea so often when reading this story.  Bill Bright, the found of Campus Crusade for Christ, writes about this story and makes a great observation about the father.  In order for the father to have been able to run to the son and meet him while he was a long way off means the father had to have been keeping watch for his son's return.  What an amazing truth about who God is.  Not only did the father lovingly embrace his son and throw a party for him at the son's return but, he was day after day watching and awaiting his son's return.  That is how God sees us.  He constantly is waiting and praying for my return to him.  And when I return he is running to me to throw his arms around me and let me know I have to do nothing for him in order to receive His love and forgiveness.  If I would live with this truth in mind I know my life would look radically different.  I am slowly but surely more fully understanding God's love and character and I am so thankful that he uses this story in my life as a perfect example of who I am in light of His love. 
      You too can understand that even if you take the money and run He is waiting for your return to him so he can lovingly embrace you into his arms.  Check out Luke 15:11-31 for yourself, it is an amazing story! What an amazing God who we can call our Father.

Traffic and Eternity

So, today I sat in traffic for about an hour and fifteen minutes.  As you can imagine it was pretty frustrating and I still haven't warmed up to the traffic here in Miami even though I have been here 3 months now.  As I sat in my car cruising down Kendall Drive going a whole 2.5 miles per hour I started thinking about my day and my job.  I turned down the radio and just allowed myself to think, trying to push aside the rising frustration of the traffic jam.  Slowly my thoughts drifted to my role as an intern with Cru. 
     Recently, I have been doubting the importance of my role doing full time ministry at FIU.  Doubts kept creeping into my head that my labor and work wasn't making much of a difference or wasn't important because I wasn't doing a "real job".  What I would call a real job is a 9 to 5 career where you receive a paycheck for the labor you put in while at work.  Ministry definitely doesn't fit that description and never will.  I work with students each day but you never know if they will show up to hang out with you or not.  When they don't I often times feel useless because I am not fulfilling my duties as a missionary.  In these moments is I feel the doubt set in that I am not doing something productive and effective for God. 
      It's funny that God brought me time to ponder these thoughts while sitting in traffic.  God knew I couldn't escape this jungle of cars and he was allowing me to have some time to reflect on these doubts and what eternity really means.  He was revealing to me the grand importance of my job as an intern.  The fact that I get to work with about 8 guys every week is simply amazing yet I never stopped to think about it. God graciously allowed me to hang out with these guys weekly and point them to the God and Savior.  It started to dawn on me that this was ultimately the most important thing possible to do in someone's life--point them to the one who gives them love, life and a hope.  God was instilling in me an eternal perspective in one of the more unusual yet appropriate settings. 
       As I continued to ponder eternity I thought about the day when all people on heaven and on earth and under that earth will bow to Jesus.  I looked at all of the cars around me and suddenly had pity and love for these hundreds of people that may or may not know Jesus.  I realized that each person in each car would one day have to bow to Jesus but God has called me (and every other believer) to be a light to people like these.  The beauty is that this is simply what I am doing as an intern! This thought made me so proud of my role and job; it allowed me to joyfully embrace this ministry God has called me to and started to relight the fire that once burned so brightly in my heart. 
        What God taught me today was two-fold.  I am so thankful for this renewed perspective of my job and eternity.  He also taught me not to hate traffic so much.  Ha, God is slowly helping me warm up to the traffic by showing me he can use it for my good instead of simply annoying me.  It's crazy how often he uses the little things in life to draw us closer to Him :)

Knowing No Bounds?

This past week I have been revisiting the idea of boundaries.  For my training part of my job I get to read a bunch of articles and listening to some talks and this past week we focused on the Growth Model developed by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (amazing stuff, you should check them out!).  There are 4 aspects of the Growth Model: bonding, boundaries, good-bad split and adulthood.  I really want to explain them all to you right now but for the sake of time and your sanity I won't.  All 4 aspects struck me deeply as I started to learn that I suck at each of them.  Don't feel too bad for me though because there is hope! As I realized I need to grow in each area, God gave me a deep peace and hope that he would allow me to grow.  It all started with first admitting I sucked at each of them then letting God do his handy work in my life to build me in each. 
      The aspect that has been on my mind for the past week though has been boundaries.  I thought I knew what boundaries were and I was pretty sure I had good ones.  Little did I know I actually had virtually zero.  Like I said, I suck at having boundaries. 
      It all started with first realizing what boundaries actually are.  According to Cloud and Townsend boundaries are defining yourself, defining your responsibilities, defining your limits and (this is the kicker for me) accepting your limits as "God-given".  What?! Accepting your limits as God-given? That can't be.... right?  Well, as I pondered this though provoking definition of boundaries I realized that these guys were spot on.  For as much as I didn't want to acknowledge that God has given me limitations it was most certainly true and I needed to embrace this definition boldly.  See, for most of my life I have striven to be perfect and I never wanted to embrace or really even think about the idea that I have limits and weaknesses.  It was always too scary to think that I may not have it all together so,  I just brushed my weaknesses and limits under the rug and pretended like I didn't have any.  As you can imagine this didn't work although, I made a great effort for many years putting on the show that I had everything together.  Recently, and mostly because of this move to Miami, God has been breaking down this facade of having it all together.  He is now forcing me to recognize my boundaries--to define who I am, define my responsibilities, define my limits and acknowledge my limits are God-given. 
       It is so funny how God works.  As I am learning who I really am and how God created me as well as defining my responsibilities and acknowledging God has given me limits I feel more at peace.  My outer shell has been broken down and I am being exposed for who I truly am but amidst all of this I feel more free and have the hope of soon feeling more whole.  It is so true that God needs to break us down before he can build us back up.  He is the potter and we are His clay.  To start understanding that I am the clay God helped me understand boundaries.  He was and will continue to show me my limitations and weaknesses but it's ok AND necessary for growth.  I am knowing my bounds and I am so thankful to God for that!

Stop and Smell the Roses

Lately, I have been feeling a bit unsettled.  Living here in Miami has had its ups and downs but this unsettled feeling didn't seem to be connected to the transition pains of moving to this new city.  It seemed that God, through the Holy Spirit was nudging me to simply spend some time recognizing what he had done in my life and in this ministry I am apart of.   I could hear his quiet, gentle voice saying, "Austin, stop and smell the roses." 

        I have a tendency to set my mind to something and just go for it.  Pretty much if I going to do anything I have to do it all out.  I'm an all or nothing guy.  For instance, if I'm going to write a blog I have to put all my effort and thought into it.  I can't just write half-heartedly about something going on in my life and usually this equates to long blogs as you may have noticed.    Unfortunately, this mentality finds its way into all parts of my life including my ministry.  
       Despite my, at times, cursed mentality to go all out, God has been teaching me the great value of stopping to smell the roses.  Usually, I forget to enjoy the ride and only focus on the end result.  What this looks like in my ministry is that everyday I go to campus I strive to work hard for God and to try and make a difference in students' lives and hearts.  The reality is though that some days it seems like God doesn't show up or that I am not making a difference. Thankfully the Holy Spirit prompted me to remember what God has been doing in my life and through my life to help students at FIU come to know God.  Deuteronomy 6:12 says,"be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." God is urging to the Israelites to remember what the Lord has done for them.  The Israelites were known for their forgetfulness.  Even though they were delivered from the Egyptians through the miraculous parting of the Red Sea they still tended to forget that it was God who delivered them.  Not themselves, but God.  I may as well been from the tribe of Israel because I embrace the same mentality on a regular basis.  I have been forgetting to acknowledge God for the amazing things he has done at FIU and in my life. 
       I have been so focused and determined to see students' lives changed these first couple months here at FIU that I have neglected to step back and recognize that God has been doing a mighty work in my heart and in the hearts of some of the students I have worked with.  There has been many times where I have asked God if he was even using me or working at FIU.  I came to doubt God because I didn't remember or acknowledge what he has done.  I never stepped back, stopped doing ministry for even just a moment to reflect and remember that God was moving and working and has been the whole. 
      I think of one of the students I work with and how God has been changing his life and shaping him into the man God has created him to be.  I get to hang out with him every week almost and we have gotten really close through our time spent talking about God and his impact on our lives.  God has showed him what his grace looks like and what it means to be a child of God.  The heart change has been incredible to watch as he went from wavering in his faith and questioning his relationship with God to a man who knows he is a child of God and now wanting to share God's love with others.  He has put God first and has given his life fully to him and seeing all of this has been such an encouragement to me.  The crazy thing is that if I wouldn't have stopped and really considered what God was doing in my friend's life I may have continued to doubt that God was working in this ministry. 
        I really hope and pray that the Holy Spirit continues to remind me of how important it is to stop and smell the roses. I don't want to get sucked into simply working hard in ministry yet never recognizing God's work and God's hand in the lives of those around me.  Stopping to smell the sweet aroma of the roses that God puts in my life allows me to continually trust in His sovereignty, love and power and prevents me from doubting His work. 




         
       

      

Back to the Future

I am a fan of the popular late 80's trilogy Back to the Future and the true star of the movie, the DMC DeLorean but that is not why I chose this title for my blog. Recently, I have been thinking about the future--actually, worrying about the future.  I wish I could say I had my future under control and mapped out but the truth is I have no idea what is ahead of me in the next few years.  I have embarked on this new journey of doing full-time ministry in Miami however, my commitment to ministry is only a year.  So, the question I keep finding myself asking is, "what is next?"
        I really wish I could find an answer to this question and even answer some of the other questions I have like where will I be in the next year or who will I be friends with.  The reality is, it's hard to know. I also battle the temptation to write my own future. My hope is that I would leave my future in God's hands and let him write my next chapter of life.  This is so much easier said that done for me although, I did hear once a great metaphor for what it can look like to have God in control.  I was at a Christmas conference for Cru and the speaker of the conference was talking about giving our lives to Christ.  She proposed a revolutionary idea that stuck with me.  She proposed that our life is like a contract; we have the choice to either fill out the whole contract and let God sign it at the end OR we can leave the contract blank and sign it at the end, letting God totally fill it all in.  This sorta blew my mind because I had always viewed my future as mine to make or mine to shape.  The idea of God filling out my life contract seemed scary at first but I tried to let this idea resonate and be the perspective of my life. 
        The reality of my life today is that I have the pen in my hand.  As I sit here writing this, I am fighting the desire to start filling out my contract.  I want to fill in every little detail and make sure to read the fine print as to not miss anything.  Something inside of me is telling me not to fill it out though, probably the Holy Spirit prompting me to trust Him but, this is so hard to do.  It all comes down to my control.  I have slowly come to understand that I worry about my future and I desperately long to fill in my contract because I want the control and want a say.   Most likely, this stems from a great distrust in God.  Yes, I said it.  Those words sound powerful, horrible on some levels and extremely convicting.  It's hard to hear myself say and admit that I don't trust God because so much of me wants to believe that I am a "good" Christian, that I would always trust God in all things.  But this is not the case sadly.  I ultimately trust in myself above God and others.  My distrust is the root; this is where all my fear of the future starts. 
         As I was reading a book today God was gracious enough to point something out to me.  Within the text of this book were a couple verses from Matthew.  They spoke directly to my heart and my worries about my future.  They were talking about seeking God first, or in other words seeking God and allowing him to have control.  By seeking God I would allow him to have the right place in my life, first place and to put myself and my control in second place.  Matthew chapter 6 verse 33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Wow, what a great reminder for me.  Not only should I put God first and in control but, once I do this he will take care of my future.  As I pondered this verse it shed light on how I can more easily give up the desire to fill in the contract of my life.  I can concentrate on seeking God by signing my name at the bottom meaning I sign my life to whatever you see fit for me and my future.  And it gets even more beautiful because I was quickly reminded about Jeremiah 29:11 where is says, "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  I knew now that I could sign my name at the bottom of the contract because I could take hope and joy in a Father that had great plans for me, even if I had no idea what these plans could look like. 
        So we return to my beloved trilogy, Back to the Future.  You have probably been asking yourself and me why I chose to title this blog or even mention these movies.  I'm glad you hung on and stayed with me.  It dawned on my that like Marty McFly, I too had to go back to get to my future.  Going back for me wasn't that I needed to go back in time but rather, turn back to God.  Thanks to Matthew 6:33 I was reminded that I need to seek first his kingdom and righteousness (all of who God is) and then I could trust in the future God has for me.  I want to continually be reminded that I need to constantly go back to God (seek Him First) and trust in his character and kingdom in order to have hope and joy for the future.  He is the one who dictates a bright future and he is the one with much greater plans for my life than I could ever imagine. And I praise Him for all of that!

Carnal Christianity

Lately, I have been wondering who I am have been putting my trust in.  For most of my life I have always trusted in myself above anything else and anyone else.  This is probably true because most everything in my life has come pretty easy to me--not that I am great at everything but I have tried my hardest to be above average at whatever I do.  I guess I thought coming into this year would be sort of a breeze like much of the other things in my life.  When I realized that these past 5 weeks of ministry have been, at times, hard, discouraging and draining it came as a shot to my heart and soul.  Coming into this year of ministry I knew I had a heart to reach students and genuinely wanted to labor for the Lord to see lives changed by Christ.  The only problem was how I would go about seeing students' hearts and lives changed by Jesus.
           Growing up I quickly learned and adopted the mentality that almost all of the time hard work and effort produce desired results.  As I matured from boyhood to manhood this mentality stuck with me.  On surface level this mentality seemed worthy and even valiant in many ways.  Our world and culture continue to tell me that I needed to work hard and strive to produce the right results (a good job, money, success, etc.). In many ways this mentality worked great! I worked hard at school, sports, my image, and even my relationship with God and things seemed to be go well. 
          As my relationship with Christ strengthened and deepened in college I started to see that this mentality wouldn't work when it comes to my relationship with Christ.  God has never promised that my work or stronger effort would produce all the desired ministry results.  I wrestled with this idea greatly for some time and I am still wrestling with it today.  As I go about meeting with students one on one to get to know them more and share the gospel with them I realize that no matter how friendly, caring or even how clear I share the good news of Christ, they still may reject Jesus.  It has been such a blow to my heart that my deep and strenuous efforts at ministry have seemed to come up short and left students seemingly unchanged.
           On some levels I knew my efforts didn't necessarily matter in how students' hearts and lives are change for Christ, but it was so easy for me to revert back to my old tendency of relying on myself and my hard work.  Satan and my flesh kept feeding me the easy-to-swallow lie that if only I work hard then results will surely follow.  This lie has left me discouraged, confused and frustrated in myself and this ministry.  Fortunately, God was gracious and gently reminded me who was in control and what successful ministry looked like. 
          Within Cru, the ministry I work for, we define successful witnessing as, "simply taking the initiative to share Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to God."  A couple things stuck out to me as I reflected on this definition.  I started to realize that I have been taking the initiative to share Christ however, I definitely hadn't been doing it in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Sadly, I had been doing ministry simply in my own power and control.  It was my nature to continue to feed on the lie that I needed to put out effort and strength to share  Christ with students instead of remembering to relinquish power to the Holy Spirit.  The role of the Holy Spirit in my life was and is to allow me to bear fruit.  This fruit is explained in Galatians 5, where Paul is explaining what our lives will look like when we are filled by the Holy Spirit.  Interestingly enough, as the fruits of the Spirit are played out in my life, I know my ministry will be different.  It is such a blessings to know that God's idea of successful ministry isn't about how much effort I put forth but rather, the Holy Spirit's work in my life of producing fruit that will then help lead students to Christ.
         The second part of the definition of successful witnessing that stuck out to me and took some major weight off my burdened shoulders was the idea that I can ultimately leave the results to God.  My ministry and all ministry for that matter is driven and fulfilled by God.  I wasn't recognizing this fact while I was doing ministry under my own power and control.  Since I was exerting so much effort I felt that the results of my ministry must be awesome or at least proportional to my effort.  This wasn't and hasn't ever been the case.  I also really wished I could control who and when people came to know God personally.  But God is sovereign and he is ultimately the one who draws people to himself.  Yes, we are his ambassadors (2 Cor. 5:20) and he so graciously chooses to use us to bring people to him but ultimately, it is all up to him and his timing.     This is why we can leave the results up to him: He is sovereign and his plan prevails always!
 Psalm 33:11 "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations."
     
My prayer is that I may not rely on my own strength but rely on the Holy Spirit for all I do and I will leave the results to God who is always working his plan out throughout the generations even if it may not always seem that way.