I am a fan of the popular late 80's trilogy Back to the Future and the true star of the movie, the DMC DeLorean but that is not why I chose this title for my blog. Recently, I have been thinking about the future--actually, worrying about the future. I wish I could say I had my future under control and mapped out but the truth is I have no idea what is ahead of me in the next few years. I have embarked on this new journey of doing full-time ministry in Miami however, my commitment to ministry is only a year. So, the question I keep finding myself asking is, "what is next?"
I really wish I could find an answer to this question and even answer some of the other questions I have like where will I be in the next year or who will I be friends with. The reality is, it's hard to know. I also battle the temptation to write my own future. My hope is that I would leave my future in God's hands and let him write my next chapter of life. This is so much easier said that done for me although, I did hear once a great metaphor for what it can look like to have God in control. I was at a Christmas conference for Cru and the speaker of the conference was talking about giving our lives to Christ. She proposed a revolutionary idea that stuck with me. She proposed that our life is like a contract; we have the choice to either fill out the whole contract and let God sign it at the end OR we can leave the contract blank and sign it at the end, letting God totally fill it all in. This sorta blew my mind because I had always viewed my future as mine to make or mine to shape. The idea of God filling out my life contract seemed scary at first but I tried to let this idea resonate and be the perspective of my life.
The reality of my life today is that I have the pen in my hand. As I sit here writing this, I am fighting the desire to start filling out my contract. I want to fill in every little detail and make sure to read the fine print as to not miss anything. Something inside of me is telling me not to fill it out though, probably the Holy Spirit prompting me to trust Him but, this is so hard to do. It all comes down to my control. I have slowly come to understand that I worry about my future and I desperately long to fill in my contract because I want the control and want a say. Most likely, this stems from a great distrust in God. Yes, I said it. Those words sound powerful, horrible on some levels and extremely convicting. It's hard to hear myself say and admit that I don't trust God because so much of me wants to believe that I am a "good" Christian, that I would always trust God in all things. But this is not the case sadly. I ultimately trust in myself above God and others. My distrust is the root; this is where all my fear of the future starts.
As I was reading a book today God was gracious enough to point something out to me. Within the text of this book were a couple verses from Matthew. They spoke directly to my heart and my worries about my future. They were talking about seeking God first, or in other words seeking God and allowing him to have control. By seeking God I would allow him to have the right place in my life, first place and to put myself and my control in second place. Matthew chapter 6 verse 33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Wow, what a great reminder for me. Not only should I put God first and in control but, once I do this he will take care of my future. As I pondered this verse it shed light on how I can more easily give up the desire to fill in the contract of my life. I can concentrate on seeking God by signing my name at the bottom meaning I sign my life to whatever you see fit for me and my future. And it gets even more beautiful because I was quickly reminded about Jeremiah 29:11 where is says, "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I knew now that I could sign my name at the bottom of the contract because I could take hope and joy in a Father that had great plans for me, even if I had no idea what these plans could look like.
So we return to my beloved trilogy, Back to the Future. You have probably been asking yourself and me why I chose to title this blog or even mention these movies. I'm glad you hung on and stayed with me. It dawned on my that like Marty McFly, I too had to go back to get to my future. Going back for me wasn't that I needed to go back in time but rather, turn back to God. Thanks to Matthew 6:33 I was reminded that I need to seek first his kingdom and righteousness (all of who God is) and then I could trust in the future God has for me. I want to continually be reminded that I need to constantly go back to God (seek Him First) and trust in his character and kingdom in order to have hope and joy for the future. He is the one who dictates a bright future and he is the one with much greater plans for my life than I could ever imagine. And I praise Him for all of that!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Carnal Christianity
Lately, I have been wondering who I am have been putting my trust in. For most of my life I have always trusted in myself above anything else and anyone else. This is probably true because most everything in my life has come pretty easy to me--not that I am great at everything but I have tried my hardest to be above average at whatever I do. I guess I thought coming into this year would be sort of a breeze like much of the other things in my life. When I realized that these past 5 weeks of ministry have been, at times, hard, discouraging and draining it came as a shot to my heart and soul. Coming into this year of ministry I knew I had a heart to reach students and genuinely wanted to labor for the Lord to see lives changed by Christ. The only problem was how I would go about seeing students' hearts and lives changed by Jesus.
Growing up I quickly learned and adopted the mentality that almost all of the time hard work and effort produce desired results. As I matured from boyhood to manhood this mentality stuck with me. On surface level this mentality seemed worthy and even valiant in many ways. Our world and culture continue to tell me that I needed to work hard and strive to produce the right results (a good job, money, success, etc.). In many ways this mentality worked great! I worked hard at school, sports, my image, and even my relationship with God and things seemed to be go well.
As my relationship with Christ strengthened and deepened in college I started to see that this mentality wouldn't work when it comes to my relationship with Christ. God has never promised that my work or stronger effort would produce all the desired ministry results. I wrestled with this idea greatly for some time and I am still wrestling with it today. As I go about meeting with students one on one to get to know them more and share the gospel with them I realize that no matter how friendly, caring or even how clear I share the good news of Christ, they still may reject Jesus. It has been such a blow to my heart that my deep and strenuous efforts at ministry have seemed to come up short and left students seemingly unchanged.
On some levels I knew my efforts didn't necessarily matter in how students' hearts and lives are change for Christ, but it was so easy for me to revert back to my old tendency of relying on myself and my hard work. Satan and my flesh kept feeding me the easy-to-swallow lie that if only I work hard then results will surely follow. This lie has left me discouraged, confused and frustrated in myself and this ministry. Fortunately, God was gracious and gently reminded me who was in control and what successful ministry looked like.
Within Cru, the ministry I work for, we define successful witnessing as, "simply taking the initiative to share Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to God." A couple things stuck out to me as I reflected on this definition. I started to realize that I have been taking the initiative to share Christ however, I definitely hadn't been doing it in the power of the Holy Spirit. Sadly, I had been doing ministry simply in my own power and control. It was my nature to continue to feed on the lie that I needed to put out effort and strength to share Christ with students instead of remembering to relinquish power to the Holy Spirit. The role of the Holy Spirit in my life was and is to allow me to bear fruit. This fruit is explained in Galatians 5, where Paul is explaining what our lives will look like when we are filled by the Holy Spirit. Interestingly enough, as the fruits of the Spirit are played out in my life, I know my ministry will be different. It is such a blessings to know that God's idea of successful ministry isn't about how much effort I put forth but rather, the Holy Spirit's work in my life of producing fruit that will then help lead students to Christ.
The second part of the definition of successful witnessing that stuck out to me and took some major weight off my burdened shoulders was the idea that I can ultimately leave the results to God. My ministry and all ministry for that matter is driven and fulfilled by God. I wasn't recognizing this fact while I was doing ministry under my own power and control. Since I was exerting so much effort I felt that the results of my ministry must be awesome or at least proportional to my effort. This wasn't and hasn't ever been the case. I also really wished I could control who and when people came to know God personally. But God is sovereign and he is ultimately the one who draws people to himself. Yes, we are his ambassadors (2 Cor. 5:20) and he so graciously chooses to use us to bring people to him but ultimately, it is all up to him and his timing. This is why we can leave the results up to him: He is sovereign and his plan prevails always!
Psalm 33:11 "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations."
My prayer is that I may not rely on my own strength but rely on the Holy Spirit for all I do and I will leave the results to God who is always working his plan out throughout the generations even if it may not always seem that way.
Growing up I quickly learned and adopted the mentality that almost all of the time hard work and effort produce desired results. As I matured from boyhood to manhood this mentality stuck with me. On surface level this mentality seemed worthy and even valiant in many ways. Our world and culture continue to tell me that I needed to work hard and strive to produce the right results (a good job, money, success, etc.). In many ways this mentality worked great! I worked hard at school, sports, my image, and even my relationship with God and things seemed to be go well.
As my relationship with Christ strengthened and deepened in college I started to see that this mentality wouldn't work when it comes to my relationship with Christ. God has never promised that my work or stronger effort would produce all the desired ministry results. I wrestled with this idea greatly for some time and I am still wrestling with it today. As I go about meeting with students one on one to get to know them more and share the gospel with them I realize that no matter how friendly, caring or even how clear I share the good news of Christ, they still may reject Jesus. It has been such a blow to my heart that my deep and strenuous efforts at ministry have seemed to come up short and left students seemingly unchanged.
On some levels I knew my efforts didn't necessarily matter in how students' hearts and lives are change for Christ, but it was so easy for me to revert back to my old tendency of relying on myself and my hard work. Satan and my flesh kept feeding me the easy-to-swallow lie that if only I work hard then results will surely follow. This lie has left me discouraged, confused and frustrated in myself and this ministry. Fortunately, God was gracious and gently reminded me who was in control and what successful ministry looked like.
Within Cru, the ministry I work for, we define successful witnessing as, "simply taking the initiative to share Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to God." A couple things stuck out to me as I reflected on this definition. I started to realize that I have been taking the initiative to share Christ however, I definitely hadn't been doing it in the power of the Holy Spirit. Sadly, I had been doing ministry simply in my own power and control. It was my nature to continue to feed on the lie that I needed to put out effort and strength to share Christ with students instead of remembering to relinquish power to the Holy Spirit. The role of the Holy Spirit in my life was and is to allow me to bear fruit. This fruit is explained in Galatians 5, where Paul is explaining what our lives will look like when we are filled by the Holy Spirit. Interestingly enough, as the fruits of the Spirit are played out in my life, I know my ministry will be different. It is such a blessings to know that God's idea of successful ministry isn't about how much effort I put forth but rather, the Holy Spirit's work in my life of producing fruit that will then help lead students to Christ.
The second part of the definition of successful witnessing that stuck out to me and took some major weight off my burdened shoulders was the idea that I can ultimately leave the results to God. My ministry and all ministry for that matter is driven and fulfilled by God. I wasn't recognizing this fact while I was doing ministry under my own power and control. Since I was exerting so much effort I felt that the results of my ministry must be awesome or at least proportional to my effort. This wasn't and hasn't ever been the case. I also really wished I could control who and when people came to know God personally. But God is sovereign and he is ultimately the one who draws people to himself. Yes, we are his ambassadors (2 Cor. 5:20) and he so graciously chooses to use us to bring people to him but ultimately, it is all up to him and his timing. This is why we can leave the results up to him: He is sovereign and his plan prevails always!
Psalm 33:11 "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations."
My prayer is that I may not rely on my own strength but rely on the Holy Spirit for all I do and I will leave the results to God who is always working his plan out throughout the generations even if it may not always seem that way.
Monday, September 5, 2011
From running on empty to overflowing
Ever since I have had my liscense I have had this weird fear of running out of gas and being stuck on the side of the road stranded. Maybe I'm just an anxious and nervous person but every time my fuel gage hits low I make a B-line to the nearest gas station. I make it a priority to fill up my tank because the thought of sitting stranded and helpless on the side of the road seems terrible.
It's funny how I make it a priority to fill my car's gas tank with fuel in order to continue driving while my spiritual fuel tank seems to continue to read: empty! Lately, I have put many many miles on spiritually. As I have entered into full time ministry it is incredible how often you are giving of yourself and expending energy on others. In the past two weeks since school has started at Florida International University, where I am serving with Campus Crusade for Christ, I have been able to meet with multiple students everyday and share the gospel with them. This is a joy and privilege to be used by God in this way. There are times where God humbles me by showing me that I am certainly not entitled to this ministry or even adequate. But God has allowed me to give of my time, energy and life in order to spread his message of hope, love and redemption through Jesus Christ.
However, like a car, I too run out of fuel as I rack up more and more ministry miles. The main difference though is that I don't pay attention to the fuel gauge. My heart has constantly been blinking with a yellow 'E', warning me that I will soon be stranded on the side of the road unable to continue on. My flesh however yearns to keep running on empty and see if I can squeak out a few more miles on the little fuel I have left.
Although I'm believing I can go just a few more miles on the little gas I have in my tank, the reality is I'm hardly going anywhere. I may be able to force myself to talk to a student and then share the gospel with them but, sadly my heart won't be in it. The light of Christ doesn't shine from me because I have grown dim from a lack of fuel. The prophet Jeremiah spoke about this and used a more fitting analogy for his time, the analogy of water and cisterns. He said, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Oh, how often I forsake the true source and dig my own cistern that is broken and empty. And what's worse, I continue to believe this broken cistern will nourish me.
Thankfully, there is a source of fuel and water. God says in Revelation 21:6 that "I am the Alpha and Omega , the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life." Jesus also exclaims he is the source of living water in John chapter 4 when he is speaking to the Samaritan women. He says in verse 14, "but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The beautiful thing is that Christ isn't just the source of fuel and water but he promises to give until we overflow. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."(Romans 15:13) God doesn't want us to just continue driving down the road of life but he wants us to be able to give away his love, joy, hope and peace in the process. It's like going to a gas station where the pump keeps pouring out gas. Once your tank is full you will want to grab others around you and help them fill up their tank from this great source. Maybe not the most beautiful picture of God but you get the idea. In Christ and through the Holy Spirit we all can not only be filled but literally spill over with love, joy, hope and peace. God's plan is so miraculous and perfect because he knows that as we seek him our hearts will overflow, allowing us to give to others and point them to the true source.
My prayer is that I would never be running on empty but that I would daily go to the source that promises to overflow my tank so I can give generously to others and point them to the true source--Jesus Christ.
It's funny how I make it a priority to fill my car's gas tank with fuel in order to continue driving while my spiritual fuel tank seems to continue to read: empty! Lately, I have put many many miles on spiritually. As I have entered into full time ministry it is incredible how often you are giving of yourself and expending energy on others. In the past two weeks since school has started at Florida International University, where I am serving with Campus Crusade for Christ, I have been able to meet with multiple students everyday and share the gospel with them. This is a joy and privilege to be used by God in this way. There are times where God humbles me by showing me that I am certainly not entitled to this ministry or even adequate. But God has allowed me to give of my time, energy and life in order to spread his message of hope, love and redemption through Jesus Christ.
However, like a car, I too run out of fuel as I rack up more and more ministry miles. The main difference though is that I don't pay attention to the fuel gauge. My heart has constantly been blinking with a yellow 'E', warning me that I will soon be stranded on the side of the road unable to continue on. My flesh however yearns to keep running on empty and see if I can squeak out a few more miles on the little fuel I have left.
Although I'm believing I can go just a few more miles on the little gas I have in my tank, the reality is I'm hardly going anywhere. I may be able to force myself to talk to a student and then share the gospel with them but, sadly my heart won't be in it. The light of Christ doesn't shine from me because I have grown dim from a lack of fuel. The prophet Jeremiah spoke about this and used a more fitting analogy for his time, the analogy of water and cisterns. He said, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Oh, how often I forsake the true source and dig my own cistern that is broken and empty. And what's worse, I continue to believe this broken cistern will nourish me.
Thankfully, there is a source of fuel and water. God says in Revelation 21:6 that "I am the Alpha and Omega , the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life." Jesus also exclaims he is the source of living water in John chapter 4 when he is speaking to the Samaritan women. He says in verse 14, "but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The beautiful thing is that Christ isn't just the source of fuel and water but he promises to give until we overflow. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."(Romans 15:13) God doesn't want us to just continue driving down the road of life but he wants us to be able to give away his love, joy, hope and peace in the process. It's like going to a gas station where the pump keeps pouring out gas. Once your tank is full you will want to grab others around you and help them fill up their tank from this great source. Maybe not the most beautiful picture of God but you get the idea. In Christ and through the Holy Spirit we all can not only be filled but literally spill over with love, joy, hope and peace. God's plan is so miraculous and perfect because he knows that as we seek him our hearts will overflow, allowing us to give to others and point them to the true source.
My prayer is that I would never be running on empty but that I would daily go to the source that promises to overflow my tank so I can give generously to others and point them to the true source--Jesus Christ.
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