Back to the Future

I am a fan of the popular late 80's trilogy Back to the Future and the true star of the movie, the DMC DeLorean but that is not why I chose this title for my blog. Recently, I have been thinking about the future--actually, worrying about the future.  I wish I could say I had my future under control and mapped out but the truth is I have no idea what is ahead of me in the next few years.  I have embarked on this new journey of doing full-time ministry in Miami however, my commitment to ministry is only a year.  So, the question I keep finding myself asking is, "what is next?"
        I really wish I could find an answer to this question and even answer some of the other questions I have like where will I be in the next year or who will I be friends with.  The reality is, it's hard to know. I also battle the temptation to write my own future. My hope is that I would leave my future in God's hands and let him write my next chapter of life.  This is so much easier said that done for me although, I did hear once a great metaphor for what it can look like to have God in control.  I was at a Christmas conference for Cru and the speaker of the conference was talking about giving our lives to Christ.  She proposed a revolutionary idea that stuck with me.  She proposed that our life is like a contract; we have the choice to either fill out the whole contract and let God sign it at the end OR we can leave the contract blank and sign it at the end, letting God totally fill it all in.  This sorta blew my mind because I had always viewed my future as mine to make or mine to shape.  The idea of God filling out my life contract seemed scary at first but I tried to let this idea resonate and be the perspective of my life. 
        The reality of my life today is that I have the pen in my hand.  As I sit here writing this, I am fighting the desire to start filling out my contract.  I want to fill in every little detail and make sure to read the fine print as to not miss anything.  Something inside of me is telling me not to fill it out though, probably the Holy Spirit prompting me to trust Him but, this is so hard to do.  It all comes down to my control.  I have slowly come to understand that I worry about my future and I desperately long to fill in my contract because I want the control and want a say.   Most likely, this stems from a great distrust in God.  Yes, I said it.  Those words sound powerful, horrible on some levels and extremely convicting.  It's hard to hear myself say and admit that I don't trust God because so much of me wants to believe that I am a "good" Christian, that I would always trust God in all things.  But this is not the case sadly.  I ultimately trust in myself above God and others.  My distrust is the root; this is where all my fear of the future starts. 
         As I was reading a book today God was gracious enough to point something out to me.  Within the text of this book were a couple verses from Matthew.  They spoke directly to my heart and my worries about my future.  They were talking about seeking God first, or in other words seeking God and allowing him to have control.  By seeking God I would allow him to have the right place in my life, first place and to put myself and my control in second place.  Matthew chapter 6 verse 33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Wow, what a great reminder for me.  Not only should I put God first and in control but, once I do this he will take care of my future.  As I pondered this verse it shed light on how I can more easily give up the desire to fill in the contract of my life.  I can concentrate on seeking God by signing my name at the bottom meaning I sign my life to whatever you see fit for me and my future.  And it gets even more beautiful because I was quickly reminded about Jeremiah 29:11 where is says, "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  I knew now that I could sign my name at the bottom of the contract because I could take hope and joy in a Father that had great plans for me, even if I had no idea what these plans could look like. 
        So we return to my beloved trilogy, Back to the Future.  You have probably been asking yourself and me why I chose to title this blog or even mention these movies.  I'm glad you hung on and stayed with me.  It dawned on my that like Marty McFly, I too had to go back to get to my future.  Going back for me wasn't that I needed to go back in time but rather, turn back to God.  Thanks to Matthew 6:33 I was reminded that I need to seek first his kingdom and righteousness (all of who God is) and then I could trust in the future God has for me.  I want to continually be reminded that I need to constantly go back to God (seek Him First) and trust in his character and kingdom in order to have hope and joy for the future.  He is the one who dictates a bright future and he is the one with much greater plans for my life than I could ever imagine. And I praise Him for all of that!